Writing About Yourself
It is time for me to update my CV and write a NIH biosketch. That means remembering all the amazing things I have accomplished and putting them into words. Frankly, I hate it. Nothing sounds impressive, yet I wish there was more I could write.
The crazy part, is that I never have a problem defending myself. If we talked one-on-one and you told me I don’t belong in science, I would shoot back with fiery passion all the reasons I am an amazing scientist and I deserve to get my PhD. On the other hand, if you calmly asked “tell me about your accomplishments” my mind goes blank. Suddenly all I can think of is how much better everyone else’s accomplishments sound compared to mine. Well, I could mention that I have a second author paper, but there’s that student the year below me who has a first author paper. I could mention that presentation I gave, but it was such a small crowd.
It is so hard to put into written word that I have accomplished things. It is hard to accept I am just a graduate student and this list won’t be filled with publications yet. It is hard to admit I’m early in my career and including the presentation at the department retreat is impressive enough for now. I can feel arrogant for writing too much and ashamed I don’t have more to write, simultaneously. Is this a women’s issue or do men feel awkward writing about their accomplishments too?
Some how, some way, I will fill these pages. I’ll overcome my insecurities and blow people away with my CV. But not too aggressively because I don’t want to cause them to hurt themselves when they get knocked over. I will find that balance…if I ever stop writing this and go back to my actual CV.
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